"Who are you? You are the the truth out screaming these lies. You are the truth, saving my life."

Okay, so I guess I'm going to invite Mindsay to get into my head a little more than it is.
One of my hardest issues I've had growing up is my 32 year old sister.  We're 16 years apart and I really don't have a relationship with her.  She was a heroin addict and got clean probably about 2 years ago.  Then, the issue was pill popping, and stealing.  She ended up going to jail, I don't remember what for, but when she got out at the end of last summer, she came to live with my parents and I.  And she still lives here.  She's had two jobs; both she's been fired from.  She has to be out of my house by October 31st, and she spends her mornings sleeping in until 10, then her afternoons out by the sun, tanning.
If someone was to ask me what one of my main emotions toward my sister is, I would say hatred.  Now, I know you're saying I'm crazy and she needs my help, yada yada, but it really isn't like that. 
She has caused so much emotional pain in my life, that I have a hard time looking past that.  When I was around 13, she swallowed a handful of pills in front of my mother and threatened her with a knife.  The past 3 years have been all about her, and getting her better.  My mother has basically missed out on my growing up experience and creating a relationship with me because of my sister being my mother's main priority.
My sister is not going to get better, though.  She believes someone is going to take care of her the rest of her life. 
Every time I look at her, I can't look at her eyes without disgust.  She's the reason why my mother and I don't have a close relationship.  She's the reason why there's unbalance in my family. 

She's the hate stored up in my heart.

and I can't let that go.

even when I try.